Hello Health and Wellness Seeker,
Hello Self-Care Goddesses!
In my podcast interview with the amazing Krystal Jakosky, episode #41 of the Self-Care Goddess podcast, we talk about the journey of life which can sometimes be frustrating, challenging and emotional but also incredibly empowering. By removing the blame we place on others and recognizing the part our thoughts play in our life, we can find renewed compassion and understanding of ourselves and everyone around us. In other words, ‘We begin owning our shit” and start taking ownership of our own life’s consequences.
Owning your shit is about taking personal responsibility. Nobody else is going to do it, so the onus for change is on ourselves.
Self-Awareness is being aware of what is going on and how we react to things. Acknowledging that we all have challenges and frustrations, and yet we all have the power to own our stuff, because when we own our shit, life is easier.
Krystal advises us not to worry so much about other people, because it’s YOU that matters. How you treat yourself, how you love yourself, and therefore, how you treat and love others is a reflection. Make sure that your reflection is so beautiful, clear and personally-owned that what you reflect out is encouragement and acceptance in others doing the same.
How can we manage anger?
Do you get too heated up in the midst of an argument & you don’t know why? Anger is really loud pain. It is a cover emotion. It can be pain, fear or a myriad of emotions. The anger is the cover hiding what’s really going on. According to Krystal, the easiest way to manage anger is to identify your score on the anger scale. On the emotion scale of anger and discomfort, from 1 to 10, 1 is not feeling anger and 3 you are feeling anger. If you are above a 3, the issue is with you, not the other person. For example, if you and your partner are in an argument, and one of you sails above a 3 in your anger and frustration, it is that person’s issue, not the receiver. This can be really uncomfortable, and yet extremely liberating. If you recognize yourself above a 3, you have to stop. This takes a lot of practice, time and conscious intention.
When You are Above 3
In Krystal’s opinion the things that rub us in a wrong way are also things that are an opportunity to change & self-reflect upon to understand why they rub us the wrong way. What is going on and how can we change it? When we dig down the cause of that reaction, the trigger to it is often something that happened in our past which is causing this emotion to come up right now. Because when we’re above a 3 on the emotional scale, we start lashing out at everybody else, we start pointing fingers or yelling. Her recommendation is to totally stop, take a break. Recognize this is with you and ask yourself these questions: Why are you upset? What emotion are you really feeling? And then work with that. These are your chips to deal with. And putting it off on other people is not going to help us heal, in fact it may make things a ton worse. Self-ownership means that you know when an issue is your own, and you are willing to say, “What can I do to change this and make it better?”
When Someone Else is Above 3
Owning your shit in anger management also means that you don’t have to take on anybody else’s shit. It’s really hard to step back and self-analyze when you’re in the middle of an angry conversation. Owning your own stuff and not taking on others’ means that when you recognize another person shooting above a 3; you now have a boundary because you value yourself and what you stand for. When we take on other people’s stuff, we are slowly depleting our energy. While dealing with someone who shoots up above a 3 on the emotional scale, you can acknowledge and say, “I see you’re really upset about this, and I’m going to give us a little time to cool down”. Explain that this is unhealthy and you need to take a break. We have the power and ability to say that my self-worth is more than this, I deserve more respect and kindness. Simply walk away to take some quiet time. We are not abandoning anyone in this moment, we simply take a break and allow them to cool down and self-analyze their triggers.
Listen to my breath awareness meditation on my Youtube channel here.
How to be more Self-Aware?
To know yourself better, Krystal advises us to keep a journal and put into words what we are really frustrated about. When she is unhappy with what was going on around her, she asks herself, “What am I going to do about it?” I love this thought process because it does strike a chord because we’re able to bring those challenging things forward in a very compassionate and nurturing space. When we journal about it and write down some ideas and thoughts about different people that might challenge us and think about the specific issues around that, it starts unraveling like a ball of yarn, to get down to the root cause of it so that we can self-heal.
Do you know how to manage stress by managing your time with the Eisenhower Priority Matrix? Read my Workplace Wellness weekly blog for more details.
Another powerful self-awareness tool is by practicing detachment. Letting go is often harder than we expect. And the challenge is ‘detachment’. We have to find a balance between what we are letting go and releasing from holding on to and what we are happy to accept as ‘me’. Instead of just ‘letting go’, Krystal shares a beautiful rephrase ‘Let that shit go’. Release that shit, acknowledge it as a trait within us but this acknowledgement makes it smaller and it shrinks instead of debilitating you. We take away some of its power and fear that’s in it simply by recognizing the existence of this anger reaction. Squashing your emotions and keeping them down isn’t healthy. We need to be able to express that we are sad, anxious, excited and happy by just verbalizing and bringing them out.
Take Home Message
If you want something to change and be better, or if you want to be happier, you have to make those choices. Nobody else can jump in and save you. Self-Talk is huge. It’s a component of one of my six pillars Mindset, and how we talk to ourselves can be a great tool for improving that inner voice. Listen to yourself talk and ask would you talk to a loved one or a dear friend that way? And mostly would say – No, I would never do that. So, why are you doing it to yourself? If you’re picking up more burdens than you’re putting down, then why are you doing it? Immediately stop doing the things that are pulling you down, and start doing what can support you and improve your state.
I’m going to end with this beautiful comment from Krystal Jakosky. She emphasizes that Self-Care is a conscious and intentional act that you are taking towards your well-being be it spiritual, mental, physical, or emotional. Self-Care is about tuning in and recognizing that each one of us is a finite resource. As the old adage says “We can’t be pouring from an empty cup”. Without taking care of ourselves, there’s going to be nothing left and you just run yourself into the ground, you hit burnout and exhaustion. So, Self-Care is the conscious, intentional act of taking care of your personal needs. I always say “Self-Care is not selfish. It’s Self-Love”.
To know more about the 5 Ways to Kick Start Your Self-Care Journey at Home listen to podcast episode #6 on my website.
For more details on this amazing information shared listen to the full episode #41 on Self-Care Goddess Podcast.